Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Okay so I'm cheating. But it doesn't matter 'cause I have no readers! Hah! I'll post up one more screwy Santa before Christmas is over, I swear. But in the meantime:


LOVEEE HIM!!!!!!!!!
i wish i was a snowwoman! than we coulld have little snowchildren"

Dream big, srr012.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

[Christmas Song Lyrics!]


I was gonna write a bit more about this guy, but then I realized that I'd probably come off as horribly offensive. Urf. I don't mean any ill-will, I promise.

This cute little guy has been called "The Asian Santa" for as long as I can remember. He's gotta be at least 20 years old by now, as we received him before I was born. He was a gift from my uncle. The kicker? My uncle is Jewish. And he gave us an Asian Santa. What.

It's hard to tell, but this Santa is pretty short compared to all of our others. Maybe a foot tall? He's just so CUTE. I love the hand permanently tugging at his beard. The other wields a candle, and I'm pretty sure it moves when he's turned on. I honestly can't remember the last time we actually made him animate. I never quite understood the theme of animated Christmas people holding candles while moving their arms in circular motions. I mean, don't get me wrong...it's neat....but why? How's about a little waving or something? I think some day I'll attempt to make an animated hokey pokey Tiny Tim or something....


Friday, December 19, 2008



Well most of the time, anyway. Despite only working one day a year, it takes its toll on the big guy. I mean seriously, all that flying around can REALLY put a strain on your feet. Or maybe that's the whole obesity thing. Who knows? And honestly, who really cares? Calling me heartless, are you? Well then, let's see if this will change your minds!

Isn't that positively delightful? The batteries are apparently dying or something, because that background music....yeeesh. Makes it even more amusing though, don't you think? And the creepy melty voice when you click him off? A++!

This Santa has been in our house scaring the crap out of my little sister for years. Not surprising that this only further fuels my love for him. We oh-so-cleverly refer to him as 'Oh My Feet', and he just makes me happy. Weird? Check. Festive? Check. Bound to creep out a bunch of people? Check!


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel...


Welcome to day two of screwy Santas! And today we have...

...well hey, he doesn't look all that bad. Honestly, that's a pretty impressive face thar. But wait, you want me to zoom out? Well okay!


....yeeeah. This little guy was also a gift some random Christmas ago. You'll notice that will become a trend here. Can't you just imagine the look of glee we must've had when we opened the box and saw this giant freak of nature staring at us? Woo boy!

Apparently this here is a genuine lobotomy letterbox Santa! Yeah, the whole purpose of this guy is to sit on your countertop or coffee table and hold your letters and whatnot. To clear some clutter so you have more room for decorations, I guess. As you can see below, my family clearly puts jolly ol' Saint Nick to good use.

I'd also like to point out the awesomeness of that little...hat...growing off the corner of his big square face. The lack of ears is also a classy touch, I think. And believe you me, we here at Rainbows, Glitter, and Unicorn Farts are classy people. Very classy indeed.
NOTE: Said classy people are only actually only one person. One sad, sad little person.

Tomorrow I'm gonna bust out one of the big guns, people, so stick around! Yes kids, Friday will bring about a Santa for the foot-fetishist in all of us! YAHOO!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Make the Yuletide Gay...

HO HO HO, BITCHES! Terribly sorry for the major journal neglect; but to make it up for you we're gonna have a super special holiday...thing! YAY THINGS! *ahem* Anywho, to celebrate Christmas, for the next week we'll be checking out some of the....lovely Santas we have hiding around my home. I swear it'll be more fun than it sounds. Really. Ready? Let's go!

This first little guy was a gift we received about 12 years ago or so. While taking a picture of him, I noticed the battery pack and suddenly had flashbacks, not unlike those of a Vietnam veteran, of how he used to sing. Constantly. There was no on/off switch, and my mother was insistent about keeping his batteries in. Thusly, every time one would walk past him, he'd belt out a horrible medly of Christmas ditties, with joyous HO HO HO!s in between. He'd even go off with no help, sometimes. It's really not all that surprising that I had blocked this from my memory...

Anyway, upon seeing him the initial reaction is usually either "Aww, how cute!" or "Eww, how tacky!" I pretty much agree with both of these statements. But dammit, it's the holidays! Holiday time is tacky time! If you're more observant, one of your next reactions would probably be "WHERE THE HELL ARE HIS EYES?!"

...let's take a closer look, shall we?

Freaky, ain't it? So why doesn't this little Santa have eyeballs? Having seen him fresh out of his box so many years ago, I can tell you that they were never there. At the tender age of seven(ish), I can definitely recall being creeped out by Santa's anomaly. I immediately pushed up his little hat, scrunched down his nose.....and nothing. No tiny Santa peepers were rattling around loose in the box, either.

I really don't know if it was done on purpose or if it was just some sort of factory screwup, but for whatever reason our little Santa was just meant to be blind. Which may not necessarily be a bad thing...at least he doesn't have to look at that tacky wreath he's attached to!

So that concludes our first day of screwy Santas! Stay tuned tomorrow, when you'll get to meet Lobotomy Letterbox Santa! Oh boy!